Holding On and Letting Go
by WainGuy
Summary: Warning: Major Character Death. They did their small rituals and made sure their guns were ready. They were doing their routine jobs and this was normal except one of them didn't walk away unhurt; not everyone came back home this time


WainGuy Here with my first ever SongFic!

Disclaimer: I don't own anything but I was playing around with the characters

Involves: CSI NY and Ross Copperman's Holding On and Letting Go

Hope you enjoy and I would love to hear what you think!

**Holding On and Letting Go**

_Is anybody out there?  
>Is anybody listening?<em>

Rain spilled down from the darkened skies, thunder rumbled and lightning flashed across the black clouds. They were all standing in the alley, checking their guns and doing their little routines before they ran into danger. Kissing things dear to them, looking at pictures and sending prayers to the crying heavens above.

_Does anybody really know, if it's the end of the beginning_

Their bullet-proof vests secure, their guns locked and loaded, their rituals done and they were ready. Their guns in their palms, fingers near the trigger and with a glance to the group, Mac gave a nod and they swiftly walked into the building.

_The quiet rush of one breath,  
>is all we're waiting for<em>

They walked close to the walls, constantly looking over their shoulder and their guns pointed to the floor with the lead man shining a single torchlight to light the dark corridors. They remained alert as they made their way to the crack house on a mission to arrest and seize the illegal packets of a cocktail of drugs.

_Sometimes I want my taking,  
>Changes everyone before<em>

They reached the door and with a swift glance and another nod, the heavily protected officer slammed the Blackhawk Monoshock Ram against the door. There was no resistance and the door crashed open to reveal about twenty people staring at them with a deer-in-the-headlights look.

_It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't_

Soon the shock wore off and they were rushing away from the door, grabbing their stash as the New York Police Department swarmed in yelling the usual lines. "NYPD! Get down!" or "Stop right there!" But they rarely listened and it required force and a gun to their being to get them to at least take it the order seriously.

_It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed_

Mac raced after the dealer – a man named Michael 'Mikey' Bradley – as the bulkier man ran through the chaos of screaming drug addicts towards the fire escape.

_Some prayers find the answer, some prayers never know _

Bradley ran up the fire escape with Mac following as quickly as he could. Mac slipped on a step but quickly righted himself and climbed up the old, metal fire escape. Bradley didn't stop on any of the landings until the roof.

_We're holding on, and letting go_

Mac pulled himself up and quickly raised his weapon, his finger touching the trigger. His eyes darted from shadow to shadow, looking, searching for the man that had hoped to seek refuge from the hands of the law.

_Sometimes we're holding angels,  
>And we never even know <em>

Mac cautiously made his way towards a stack of wooden crates, an ideal place to hide. The thunder continued to rumble, the rain poured harder and lighting lit the skies. He had his gun ready and took a breath before he lunged. But no one was there, just empty space with water dripping down the wood to join the puddles already growing on the floor.

_Don't know if we'll make it,  
>Or we know, we just can't let it show <em>

Thunder, rain and lightning witnessed the sharp blade as it swung behind him before it pierced his lower back. Pain ignited and burned as the blade sunk into his back. Mac twisted around, his hands swung and the gun smacked right into Bradley's face.

_It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't _

The bulkier man stumbled backwards and away from him, his hands clutching the new gash on his face. Mac gasped in pain as the blade continued to twist in his back, black spots clouding his vision as the pain flared. He took hold of the hilt of the blade's hilt and with a shuddering breath he pulled it out.

_It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed _

He felt his blood gush out of the wound, felt his hands tighten their hold on his gun and the blade. He could feel everything around him, the rain pouring down, sliding down his collar. He felt the wind brush his face, the cool comfort of his gun and the warmth that slowly slipped out of his body.

_Some prayers find an answer, some prayers never know _

Bradley tackled him to the ground, his gun and the blade went flying. The air left him as they landed on the cold, hard concrete that left Mac breathless as the pain worsened and the crushing weight of Bradley on top of him.

"Mac!"

Danny and Flack rushed out, the door swinging as they ran towards the two struggling men. Both guns were immediately pointed at Bradley who continued to punch the detective that lay under him, bleeding out.

"Put your hands up! Put your hands up and step away from the officer!"

Bradley continued to swing, his punches coming down harder, his anger channelling through them and into the man below him. Mac couldn't breathe properly, his arms covering his face, his head, but he couldn't seem to do anything else.

Blood kept pouring out of his wound, the punches were making it harder and harder to breathe but all Mac could do was protect his face. His strength was fading away, his vision was so blurry he could only see the faintest smug of colour and the sounds were all muffled – like he was hearing them from under water.

_**Mac…**_

"Put your hands in the air or we will shoot!" Flack yelled, his hands gripping his gun like a life-line. Finally, after a minute the blows stopped and the weight was lifted off him. Mac took a breath and his hands fell to his sides.

_We're holding on and letting go_

Flack handcuffed Bradley while Danny tucked his gun away and kneeled down beside his boss. Danny slipped his hand into the older man's cold hand and said, quietly, "Everything's going to be fine. We got the guy and then we're going to get you to the hospital as soon as we can."

_**Mac… Mac, I'm here…**_

_Yeah, letting go_

Mac looked over Danny's shoulder and what he saw took his breath away. It was her, his beloved Claire in all her beauty. She hadn't changed from the day he lost her. Her light brown hair framing her face and her big blue eyes were looking at him.

'_Claire…'_

She smiled at him, tears filling her blue, beautiful eyes. _**I'm here Mac. **_

_It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't _

He felt himself slipping away but he didn't want to close his eyes, he didn't want to look away. He didn't want Claire to disappear.

_**It's okay. It's okay Love. Just close your eyes. I'll still be here.**_

He felt so cold and he felt so numb and so goddamn tired and he couldn't hear anything. He continued to stare at Claire even though his eyes drifted close. '_Claire…'_

_It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed _

Suddenly he heard Danny yelling, heard the thunder and he heard the rain. He opened his eyes and could only stare. Danny was crouched down beside him – his body – his hand gripping his while the other gripped his shoulder.

_Some prayers find an answer, some prayers never know _

Then Claire was beside him, her face streaked with tears and her adorable smile on her heart-shaped face. She slipped her hand – smaller, smoother – into his and squeezed.

_**We're together again Mac.**_

_We're holding on and letting go..._

Mac cried; tear slipping down his cheeks as he brought his hand and brushed her hair from her face. She was here, she came back to him and now they were together again. And she was crying too and she stood on her tiptoes and kissed his tears away.

_**It's okay… We're together now… And I am so sorry I had to leave you alone for so long. I didn't want to leave. I wanted to stay and grow old with you so much but they took me away. They took me away from you Mac.**_

He hugged her, held her like she was the only thing that kept him grounded, made him real. She returned the hug, crying and apologizing.

_**I am so sorry that you had to feel the pain for so long. It's time to go Mac.**_

They pulled away and she took hold of his hand and they both gave the scene one last look before they disappeared into the rain, thunder and lightning. They were together and that was all that mattered.

_It's everything you wanted, it's everything you don't  
>It's one door swinging open and one door swinging closed<br>Some prayers find an answer, some prayers never know  
>We're holding on, and letting go...<em>

_XxX_

_(1,478 words without Author's note)_


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